Sunday, October 26, 2008

Give me a Quackin Break! (Part I)

This story took place a few weeks ago:

Q80 calls his Dad:

Q80: Hi Yubba, wainik?

Yuba: I'm at Markaz Sultan (Kuwaiti Carrefour) buying some stuff for Diwaniya night. Im not feeling well, I wanna go to the Clinic and catch it early.

Q80: Ok Yubba, Im not far from you. I'll come and take the food the Diwaniya and you go to the clinic.

Yuba: La la, it wont take time. Moo laazim.

Q80: Laaa yubba, its gonna cut into your sleep. I'm already on the way.

Yuba: Ok, khalas...see you soon.

I arrived to Markaz Sultan, and like a good little son, I took the things to Diwaniya. Shortly afterwards, my phone rings:

Ring Ring Ring....

Q80: Alooo?

Annoying Insurance Lady (AIL): Hello sir, you're speaking to AIL from Gulf Insurance. I just wanted to inform you that your full coverage on your 2008 "car" is going to expire this Friday and see if you were interested in renewing. The cost will be...

Q80: One second maam. Before discussing the cost, I've had your insurance for a year and have never been clear about what it covers. Can we start there.

(The road to the house was long enough for AIL to be a welcome distraction)

AIL: Well sir, we cover blah blah and blah, change blah and rotate blah, we also do 4 by 4 blah...and change damaged winshields and...

Q80: One second, one second AIL...did you say damaged winsheilds? Well...a rock hit my windshield in the same week I bought the car. Do you cover that?

AIL: Of course sir! We at Gulf Insurance recognize the hazards of driving in these condi...

Q80: Where do I go to fill out the claim.

She gives me the details...I fill out the claim...the car is at the "car" garage courtesy of the driver the next morning.

A day after, I get another call:

Q80: Alooo?

Sexually Confused Philipino (SCP): Hello Thir!! This is Remigio from Lexthuth Garage. HOW ARE YOU!!??

Q80: Um..Fine, thank you.

SCP: That's bery good thiirrr. I'm calling to tell you, that un-for-tune-at-leeee, we were not able to get you're automtive. We're thooo thorryyyy.

Q80: That's fine, but when will it be ready?

SCP: Oh...I don't know...Inshallah tomorrow thirr. Its good you brought insurance thirr, normally dis winshield berry expensive. 210 KD, for material.

Q80: Really? Ok. Tomrrow will be fine inshalla. Thank you.

(Q80 lifts up his collar in pride over his quick thinking and goes ahead an pats himself on the back)

The car finally comes back. After having glued the window to the car, the car has this smell so I decide to leave the windows open.

The next day, the smell is still there. And the day after that.

On Saturday, I went to the drivers room to send him to bring something from the house, and lo and behold...the smell was even more repugnant and reached the room of the driver, almost 12 meters away:

Q80: Francis...what the hell is that!??

Francis: Too much smelling sir. I don't know why it won't go.

Q80: Francis, this is not normal! Khalas...I'm convinced. There is something dead in my car.

Francis: No sir, how something will just crawl in and die...

Q80: Francis, there is something dead in my car!!!

Francis: I don't know sir.

Q80: Francis...go find whatever died in my car!!

Francis: How I will find?


As we approach the back of the truck, the smell becomes more potent, more repugnant. I step away from the trunk, almost like my entire life was a preparation for this moment...The trunk flips open.


(I gag, swallowing back my Fu6oor)

Francis: Who left ducks here??!!! Ok go sir, I will clean.

Q80: God bless you Francis...PEACE!

I drove my brother's car after that. After two days under Kuwait's sun with the windows and trucks open, my cushions have absorbed the smell of Donald and Daffy's corpses. I can't drive in it, not for fear of the unimaginable stench so much as the fear that I walk around this country of mine smelling like dead duck.

Ring, ring, ring...

AIL: Hello sir, this AIL. I just called to inform you that we are giving a special offer on Insurane...

tooooot, tooooot, toooot

AIL: Sir? Sir?? (Looks to her friend, who's twirling a pencil around her hair) I think he hung up on me!....I'll try him later.


falantan said...

LOL were they ducks bought from markaz sul6an? or live (ok now dead) ones?

So I take it you're in favor of insurance as a concept? cuz I just wrote this post against it. and I'd love to know how you feel about it.

And the philipino reminded me of another one in al-Kout mall who served icecream at Gellatini's... he wore lipstick..

Anonymous said...


"Thorry, thir, insurance not cover rock hitting windthield! Only cover thnowthtorm!"

Hope the smell disappears.

Ahmed© said...

hehe, i think i forgot to publish my modified comment :P

but i liked the THIR part ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL aham shay fu6oorek bil salfaa kekeke